I’m not a religious person. When you think about it, the only thing I really worship is comedy.
I don’t go to church; I go to comedy clubs.
I don’t recite prayers; I recite jokes.
My prophets are Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce, Lily Tomlin, and St. George Carlin.
In my church, we don’t pass wine. But, there is a two-drink minimum.
We don’t have wafers; we have chicken tenders.
My bible is my joke notebook. It is after all, the word of ME.
I do not have a crucifix; I have a microphone.
We do not confess, but sometimes we bomb.
In my church, Thou Shalt Kill!
We do not sing; we laugh.
I do not have a pulpit; I have a stage.
I do not crave salvation, but I’d love a little applause!
Can I get an “Amen”?