Well, it's been two weeks since I started the graduate research part of my Masters. I have calmed down considerably since the last post, but I have a long way to go. I am developing my questionnaire for my data, and it's so hard! Every time I think I am finally getting clear on what my research question is and what I want to find out-I lose it all! I had all these lofty goals about cracking the subject of Organizational Change and the case at Pasadena City College wide open, but I am finding out that I can not be comprehensive-those words from my professor, comforting, but also frustrating. I want to be comprehensive, but I am one person with limited time and limited resources. I do not have a research team; I am not a pro at this. I have to conduct the best research I can and find out what I can. Narrow it down. Here's hoping I can narrow it down enough to get focused.
Meanwhile, back in my screwed up brain, I have all this anxiety about seeing my PCC coworkers again because I have gained weight since I quit. How screwed up is that? Seriously! I quit 1 year ago because, a decade after giving up living on the road and moving to LA, I am finally able to support myself completely again from comedy. I have two successful businesses (comedy school and production). Why am I so stressed out?
I was thin for one year of my life. But that year has caused me all this shame about returning to my former self (not quite-I'm still over 40 lbs lighter than when I went on the diet). But, it's amazing how many people think they can comment on your weight. I think it comes from the year of commenting on how small I was getting. It's all I talked about with some people. I wish I had a clever line prepared for people who give me shit when I visit PCC. Like, yeah, I know I gained weight, but you still work here!