A few nights
ago about 3am, I was bored and started googling myself. When I was done, I
Googled myself. On page 18 of the Google search (I’m persistent when I’m high),
I ran across a link to Shecky Magazine
from back in May of last year. Hmm. When was I in Shecky Magazine? Usually, when I am in a publication, comedy or
otherwise, I get texts and emails from other comics and fans saying, “saw you
in [so-and-so].” With this, I got nothing. I guess no one read it.
So I click
on the link to discover an article by Brian McKim and Traci Skene attacking a piece I had written for the
website Every Day Victim Blaming
called “The Subtle Oppression of Women by Comedy”
Once I got
over the shock of it taking two people to write a short article in which half
the words were mine, I noticed they called my essay a “trainwreck.” (I assume
one of them came up with “train” and the other one “wreck.”) I thought it
interesting that not only was it a particularly vicious review of my piece
(they called it “blather”), but the writers seemed very annoyed that the piece
had caught on with so many people in and out of the comedy community and that
it had received so many positive comments (their article received zero
comments). If so many female and male comedians and civilians related to my
piece, it must be bullshit!! Rather than
acknowledging that a comic who has been in the biz a long time might be
speaking from a perspective and experience the writers (also long-time comics)
had yet to consider and could learn more about, the piece must be crushed and
the perspective must be mocked!
So, since
you didn’t get it Shecky, allow me to
elaborate on the points you raised….
Shecky writes:
“There’s a website called “Every Day Victim
Blaming.” We know, we know… it sounds like a satire or a parody site… something
the Onion might come up with. (The title certainly sounds like it was named by
one of the Festrunk Brothers-
“We’re two WILD AND CRAZY GUYS! Please to read our site, ‘EVERYDAY VICTIM BLAMING!’ The FOXES DIG IT!”)”
“We’re two WILD AND CRAZY GUYS! Please to read our site, ‘EVERYDAY VICTIM BLAMING!’ The FOXES DIG IT!”)”
The most offensive part of that is what a bad joke that was. (Try harder, guys.) Then they go on to quote the website’s actual mission statement:
“
EVERYDAY VICTIM
BLAMING
A campaign to change the language, culture and
attitude around violence against women and children
Ok, let’s just start with what is going on in your world and your brain that you think an organization dedicated to helping women and children who are victims of violence and that seeks to change the way these people (we) are treated, is a joke? Seriously, the idea that a group of people would gather together writers from all walks of life to comment on society’s treatment of victims is hilarious to you? Lol beaten and raped women and children, amirite?! Why would you possibly seek to change the world when you can just sit around and make fun of people who try?
You couldn’t have proved the point of the organization or of my essay more if you had just stopped there. But, you didn’t. In response to me stopping a radio interviewer from making a victim-blaming rape joke in an interview with me, Shecky writes:
“We submit that any
comedian that ceases being a comedian and instead becomes an activist or
ideologue will get that look a lot. Especially if the comedian is booked onto a
radio show as a comedian but shifts gears into feminist scold. She has every
right, of course, to shift into ideologue mode, but she can’t expect the
segment to instantly turn into anything but a frozen turd. Oh, sure, it makes
for a great story at the next meeting of the Lena Dunham Fan Club, but she
can’t expect here riposte automatically provide rock-solid proof that we are
all living in a hellish, unsympathetic “rape culture.” She was (we assume)
brought onto the show as a comedian… she might consider responding to a joke
with… a joke!”
Firstly, are
you guys really making the point that a comic must be a dancing monkey 24/7 and
can never be serious at all? So, Jon Stewart, Bill Maher, George Carlin, etc
don’t count as comics? You two have no personal opinions you ever express in
interviews? You said you assume I was brought on the show to be a comedian aka funny.
I actually was very funny and have been asked back several times. The host went
on to write an article about me that ended up on the cover of Pasadena Weekly, so I feel pretty sure
that he was happy with my work on the show. Actually, I was brought on there to
discuss the feminist perspective (you assumed wrong), which I often am because
anyone who follows my career knows that I am a feminist. Why do you think we
were talking about rape to begin with? Because it’s so funny?? I did not
blind-side anyone. But, I’ll send the host your concerns for his feelings for
having been corrected on his joke.
Second, why
did I correct him and why did I include this story in a piece about victim
blaming? (I tried to get booked by the Lena Dunham Fan Club, but they were looking
for a male comic) BECAUSE HE WAS BLAMING THE VICTIM. He was putting the onus on
the victim to have prevented her own rape, just as society does every day in
the news and on TV and movies and comment threads on the Internet and in
courtrooms and comedians’ acts and in articles in comedy magazines about how
organizations that help victims of violence are a joke.
Words have
power. I’m sure as good comedians (which I have heard you both are), you know
this. What is considered acceptable speech in our society has changed over the
years because of that power. Want to argue that? Watch bigots look both ways
before saying “nigger” or “chink” or “faggot” when those kinds of people would
have just said it on a radio show back in the day. Words have power. Words affect
societal views and they affect your audience. And no, I didn’t expect my
riposte to convince anyone we are living in a rape culture. But, let me say
this loud and clear so that there is no misunderstanding: WE ARE LIVING IN A
RAPE CULTURE.
I could tell you that 1 in 4 women have been raped (including
women in your audience) and that my personal experience is that the number is
higher among the female comics I know, but that wouldn’t convince you. I could
point out in a long essay about comedy’s contribution to that rape culture in
not only its obsession with rape jokes, but with the jokes’ focus on the victim
as the punchline. Oh wait. I did that. Or you could have actually read the
website you mocked and the collection of essays by women from all walks of life
discussing experiences and responding to current events in the news.
In response to me lamenting how, in a Women in Comedy Roundtable
that I hosted, managers/agents/club owners responded to my complaint that I
have been in unsafe conditions in comedy condos, Shecky writes:
“Those managers–
regardless of their gender– are stone cold morons and a danger to themselves
and to their clients. The conditions described– which were so quickly dismissed
by these so-called managers– are a danger to any comedian regardless
of gender. No comic should tolerate such conditions. And any comedian who
considers bookability (or re-bookability) when tacitly accepting such
conditions is putting some sort of vague notion of comedy success over safety
and security. (We suspect that a few comedians without management have
swallowed hard and accepted slovenly, dangerous conditions, but a manager who
tells her client to do so is without conscience and a special kind of sleazebag
that is lower than the club owner who provides such accommodations.) Early on,
The Female Half, when confronted with similar tattered and dicey lodging at a
midwest comedy gig, promptly walked out, found a nearby hotel and told the
management of the venue that the conditions at the condo were sub-par and that
they could “do the right thing” and reimburse her for the hotel. And, of
course, she never returned. She was 23 years old at the time.”
Yes! You made my point for me. Those conditions are unsafe
for everyone (however, women are more at risk than men in those situations).
But, the point you missed is that the response from the industry on the panel
was “women comics are too high maintenance!!” They also added that we are
“complainy.” My point was that when I raised concerns about safety, I was told
that women should not complain or they will be viewed unfavorably by the
industry.
When you say that comics should refuse to work in those
conditions, I have to wonder what road you were on. Because on the road I know,
the squeaky wheel did not get rebooked. Comedy is about supply and demand and
the supply is a lot higher than the demand. Asking to be moved to a hotel room
instead of the condo on the venue’s dime may have worked somewhere once, but is
a great way to never work there again. If you pulled that off, kudos to you
(and email me the name of club because I want to stay in that nice hotel).
Those situations are ideal, but most of the time, comics are just busting their
asses to get rebooked and pay their rent. No one is putting trying to be a star
over safety. Comics are just trying to eat. That’s the reality. Yes, club
owners, agents, managers, etc should step up and fix the unsafe conditions, and
in the meantime, the people who complain about unsafe conditions (often women)
should not be attacked for it. That was my point.
In response
to me discussing comedian Christina Walkinshaw not being rebooked after asking
Yuk Yuk’s Comedy Club to handle hecklers who asked to see her “tits and bush”
(there was a policy that comics aren’t allowed to respond to hecklers), Shecky replied:
“Oliver muddies the
waters here. This diversion does nothing to reinforce her thesis that “comedy”
is guilty of any sort of “oppression of women,” subtle or otherwise.”
On what
planet does a women not getting rebooked for wanting to be protected from or to
be allowed to defend herself against heckles of an aggressive sexual nature
muddy the waters of an essay about victim blaming? In this situation,
Walkinshaw was the victim. The club punished her for standing up for herself
instead of punishing the heckler. How much more clear can I be? (insert stick
figure of heckler yelling “show us your tits” as Appendix A). Female comics
face a different set of obstacles on the road than males comics do, in addition
to the ones male comics face.
In the article Shecky wrote on the Walkingshaw incident itself, they say,
“But the “breast and vagina” part
of the story is the “B plot,” if not the “C plot.” Walkinshaw was put in a bad
position. We’ve all been there. Not in this particular, exact position, but
we’ve been in situations where our artistic integrity is (at the very least)
compromised and/or we’re miserable and/or the “management” of the club (such as
it is) is unsympathetic.”
Oh, but it’s not the “C plot”. It’s not a regular heckle. It
has an underlying implication of possible violence and can prompt a feeling of
lack of safety and of an attempt to shut the woman down who dares to speak on
stage. And we haven’t “all been there.” Most men haven’t “been there” in regard
to this kind of attack. I could tell you stories of the women I know who have
been physically assaulted on stage (often in a sexual manner) – and men have
been attacked on stage, too, of course, but it is very rarely sexual, if ever.
I have been attacked on stage by men three times in my career, each time being
sexually groped. It’s how I learned to throw a mean punch. But, that won’t
impress you or sway you or even evoke a twinge of empathy in another person’s
experience because it doesn’t match your belief system that women have it no
different than men. But, that doesn’t make it less true or valid. So, you may
not see how a lot of women feel unsafe in their own town, on their own streets
and sometimes in their own houses, and, most certainly, on the road doing comedy
alone in a strange city, state or country.
In my essay on victim blaming in comedy (and how making it a
joke normalizes it in our society), I mention seeing a video in which Bill Burr
said he wants to know what Rihanna said right before Chris Brown beat her up. I
don’t have the link, but I can’t imagine two minutes on Google couldn’t produce
it for you. I also discuss the Daniel Tosh incident with the female “heckler”
in which he said “Wouldn’t
it be funny if that girl got raped by like 5 guys right now? Like right now?
What if a bunch of guys just raped her…”and the backlash and death and rape
threats the women received when she dared to blog about the experience.
“We’re not familiar
with the bit. But we trust that Burr handles it deftly, as he handles every
other subject he touches on. The inclusion of Tosh and Burr in Oliver’s piece
seems incongruous, until we realize that the main purpose seems not so much to
provide any real evidence of any oppression as much as to demonize various
people and, ultimately, portray female comics as victims. (Ironic, considering
the ostensible mission of the website it appears on.)”
Forgive me if I grow frustrated at the inability to see what
is right in front of you. First of all, to lead any argument with “we’re not
familiar with the bit, but…” proves that you aren’t interested in an actual
analysis of my essay, but in defending a position you hold firm, regardless of
facts and individual situations and perspectives. Asking what Rihanna said
right before Chris Brown beat her up implies that she ‘must have said something
really bad to bring on that kind of ass-whooping.’ Victims are not responsible
for their attackers’ inability to control their violent impulses. Period. That
is victim blaming as a punchline to a joke. That is actually a textbook example
of what I am talking about. Does that mean that Bill Burr is a bad comic? OF
COURSE NOT. It means that is a victim blaming joke.
What does the Tosh incident have to do with the thesis of my
essay, sorry, trainwreck? The woman (heckler) who blogged about her experience and
discomfort, fear, etc of being in that situation was sent rape and death
threats. According to people who were there, Tosh asked the crowd what they
wanted to talk about. That woman was no more of a heckler than the guys who
shouted to for Tosh to talk about rape. Why didn’t Tosh imply a threat to the
male hecklers? Why didn’t he try to silence them the way he silenced her? Has
anyone thought that, considering rape stats and the fact that woman expressed
discomfort with the topic, the heckler may have, in fact, been a rape victim
herself? And even she wasn’t, likely 1 in 4 of the other women in the audience
were. What was the woman’s crime in blogging about her experience and her
dislike of Tosh? Why did her voice (via the blog) have to be silenced instead
of just tolerated or, gasp, respected? And
for people who say, “well she didn’t actually think she would be raped right
then,” you try sitting through that and walking to your car at the end of the night
with the audience members who said ‘let’s talk about rape,’ especially if you
have been a victim of violence in the past.
I close the article with a story about my friend who was
raped by a staff member of a comedy club. I called her a brilliant female
comic, because she is. I love how in the paragraph below, Shecky chooses to put “brilliant female comic” and “rapist” in
quotes. Hmm. As if they are neither.
“That’s just great. Our “brilliant female comic”
puts her career over the security of any future comics (female or otherwise)
who might play the club at which she was allegedly raped. So… to review: Our
Brilliant Female Comic gets to carry on with her career, while allowing a
“rapist” to roam free. Awesome. Is this supposed to be the ultimate example of
“comedy oppressing women?” (Ultimately, a meaningless concept.) Any
clear-thinking person will read the above and see that this is the worst
possible example she could have cited to cap off this awful screed. Sadly,
though, it’s elicited a torrent of “attagirls” from both female and male
comics.
This probably makes me madder than any of this attack piece
crap and not the part about my “awful screed” (points for owning a thesaurus,
guys). You just proved that this was the perfect story to end my piece with
because you are attacking the rape victim. You assume that she did not tell any
other people in the industry and warn other female comics on the circuit, but
let’s put that aside for now. It is an example of comedy oppressing women via
our current rape culture within comedy as a microcosm and society as a
macrocosm.
Our society does not
typically take rape very seriously. We attack victims who report it and those
who don’t report it. We leave rape kits on shelves in evidence rooms for months
and years or forever. We worry more about the man’s sports career (Kobe Bryant,
Jerry Sanduski) or the family he comes from (Dupont) or his business career
(Adam Richmond-I could do another entire essay on the attacks received by the
waitress who reported his sexual assault and the number of male comics who knew
this happened and didn’t warn women on the road for months after the assault).
Society
asks what the rape victim was wearing and how many sexual partners she had and
why did she go back to his room, how much did she have to drink, what did she
expect to happen?? Entire communities come together to protect rapists and
blame victims (Stubenville) My friend
was not willing to go through what the courts and media and the comedy industry
would put her through on top of being raped. Do I wish she had reported it?
Yes, I do. But, is that my decision to make for her or my place to attack her
choice? Absolutely not. And it’s not yours either. Ever.
And why did I get so many “attagirls” by both male and
female comics? Maybe because, like Patton Oswalt and Louis CK, they are able to
take in new information about comedy and its treatment of rape jokes and women
based on hearing about other people’s perspectives and experiences and learn and
change and grow. Or maybe they just want to fuck me!
“It seems as though
folks are building a case that seeks to pit female comics against comedy. All
it does is make female comics look like pathetic, weak, ineffectual people.
Which we know them not to be. Female comics (at least the ones we have had the
pleasure to have known) are some of the strongest, most robust people on the
planet.”
So my essay standing up to the status quo of the comedy
industry seemed pathetic, weak, and ineffectual to you? So having an opinion
that does not mesh with yours, being smacked down in your magazine is you
empowering female comics? No thanks. If you are holding the status quo idea
that everything I said in my essay is bullshit and that organizations that help
women and children who are victims of violence is a joke, then YES, I am pitted
against you. And you don’t get to hold on to your archaic ideas of a male
dominated industry that lacks empathy toward the female experience (which is
admittedly wide and varied) and call it “comedy.” You don’t get to hijack
comedy from the rest of us.
The article wraps up by dragging Jerry Lewis into it (you
were saying something about my essay being off point?). The assertion is that
Jerry Lewis saying women aren’t funny is like your grandpa rambling at Thanksgiving
dinner and should not be listened to or paid attention to. This assumes your
grandpa is not a respected elder in your industry that many grew up loving and
respecting. So are Eddie Brill, Christopher Hitchens and Adam Carolla my creepy
uncles at Thanksgiving? At what age do we get to stop publishing their versions
of women aren’t funny?
“The Female Half dismounted the stage earlier this
month at Goodnights in Raleigh– after a killer set– and she encounters an
adoring 24-year-old female fan. The fan says, “I love you! But when you first
walked onstage, I turned to my boyfriend and said, ‘Oh, no… a chick comic…’”
Perhaps the tipping point has already been reached.
When a comedy fan– a female comedy fan, born in
1989– utters such a sentiment to her companion while seated at a comedy club in
2013, perhaps we are past the tipping point. The “Women Aren’t Funny” meme has
taken hold with all the tenacity of a badger. How long before a female patron–
born during the Clinton administration– claps her arm around a competent,
professional female comic and says, “Honey, standup comedy is no place for a
woman.”?
Do women have it hard in comedy? Yes. Do men have
it hard in comedy? Yes. It’s a tough business”
So, wait. Is your point that people aren’t affected by these
ideas that women aren’t funny or that they are? If we have reached “the tipping
point,” are we to throw in the towel or continue to speak up? Regarding these
lists (that have been compiled of funny females) that you mention your
hostility toward in your article, how is reminding people that there are a lot
of funny women among comics they have laughed at all their lives some sort of
an affront against female comedy? Are there other lists of funny comics out
there that you are opposed to? Are you against lists of any kind? How do you
buy groceries?
I looked through Shecky
and ran across this attack piece on Lindy West that I thought spoke volumes about the magazines
starting perspective. Lindy West was the writer who dared to debate comedian Jim Norton about rape jokes on the show Totally Biased, which was a great
debate. Shecky seems to have watched
a different debate than I did or that Jim Norton has discussed afterward. Shecky describes Lindy as a blithering
idiot who was incoherent and made no good points at all.
To the contrary, she
made a lot of good points and so did Jim. But, Lindy was not “allowed” to make
points because she is a woman questioning the status quo of a male dominated
industry. Why is it if you call out an industry on hack airplane food jokes,
you have integrity, but if you call out hack rape jokes you are a free-speech
fascist? Just because you can say anything, doesn’t mean you should. Not once
did Lindy suggest censoring comics. Not once. She suggested a dialogue about
the power of words and the effect they have on your audience. A dialogue Shecky Magazine is not willing to have.
The idea
that West put forth that comedy clubs are hostile environments for women by met
by Shecky with:
“This is utter
nonsense, but it’s right in West’s wheelhouse. It’s a notion that can’t be
proven or disproven. It’s merely a vicious, outrageous claim that merely seeks
to demonize comedy clubs, their patrons and the people who mount the stage.
And, as a bonus, it helps in the effort to portray
women as victims… She gives no credit to comedy club
patrons.”
Since the
debate, West has received numerous rape and death threats for speaking out and
even Jim Norton asked fans to leave her alone and stop threatening her. Would
these comedy club patrons/fans she doesn’t give credit to be the same ones that
were sending her death threats or are we to assume Norton’s Twitter followers
don’t go to comedy clubs?
When I guest
tweeted on The Women’s Room (no, that’s not a parody organization either! Lol
womenz), I was told by a ton of women that they stopped going to comedy clubs
because of the culture of hostility toward women. I was really surprised. THEY
STOPPED GIVING MONEY TO OUR INDUSTRY. This culture is affecting the bottom
line: butts in the seats. If we keep saying, “if you don’t want to hear this
stuff, don’t go to comedy clubs,” guess what? They will.
Now, if you
will excuse me, I need to get to a dark basement full of angry men to go work
out some new jokes. I can’t wait to see what disaster Shecky compares this essay to. Oh the humanity of speaking up and
expressing perspectives in comedy! I’m still gonna use you guys as a credit, though,
so thanks!
Bobbie
Oliver (as seen in Shecky Magazine)
