Tuesday's Earthquake

I was in the shower when the Earthquake hit. The whole tub started shaking (like Nature’s Jacuzzi). I was like, “Do I jump out or rinse off?” Then I thought, “I don’t care what happens, the water might turn off, and I can’t survive the aftermath with Dove bodywash in my private parts.” And I know my family. They would never give up their emergency earthquake water to get soap out of my patutie.

I couldn’t remember what to do. Do I lie down in the bath tub? No, that’s for a Tornado. Do I tape up the windows? No, that’s a Hurricane. Do I duck and cover? No, that’s for a nuclear bomb. I had no idea what to do for an Earthquake. So, I just stopped, dropped, and rolled…and played dead.

Everything was ok, but we did lose some valuables. We lost a tiki mug and my Janis Joplin doll. Which was really sad, cause I’m 40, and what does it say about my life that THOSE are my valuables?